Friday, 16 January 2015

20 x One Liner Jokes

Poundland…… Inflation proof???

I slept like a baby, I pissed the bed.

Like I said to the police, if I am not suppose to sleep and drive then why do the seats recline back?

My mum was right at least once in her life, she called me a son of a bitch.

If we are all gods children, then what is so great about Jesus.

My mother is such a pessimist, even her blood type is O-Negative.

God is watching, like I said in court, I was nude in the window to give him a better look.

We never really grow up, we just learn how to fart quietly.

I was so miserable when my girlfriend left, it was almost like she was still here.

Better gun control……or at least, worse eye care.

I bought some powdered water, and now I don't know what to add.

It's not who you know, it's whom you know.

I bought an Inuit’s toilet seat, and now I have Polaroid’s.

The police arrested me for necrophilia, I wondered why the missus was giving me the cold shoulder.

My sister has started dating brad pitts cousin...Arm pitt.

The prices were so good, that I stole two.

A ninja parade was held yesterday, it slipped by unnoticed. 

I spent an hour the other day telling this fat guy I didn’t trust him… was my reflection.

I put camouflage gear on my cat, now I can’t find him.

They wanted me to write a catchy tune, so I made it about my herpes.

1 comment:

  1. I knew an astronaut once, but he was fired. It's a shame too--because he was going up in the world.

    Black holes are most commonly found in black socks.

    A neutrino walks into a bar… and keeps right on going …


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