Monday, 9 February 2015

49 x Funny Fat Jokes + A Bit Of Advice

If you are a fat person and people pick on you, then the best thing you can do is act as if it doesn’t bother you at all. Smile as they poke fun at your weight and only half-listen to what they are saying. Pretend in your mind that they are saying it about other people.

Part of the fun of bullying people is making them feel bad, so do not give them the pleasure of seeing you look sad. Smile as if you have heard their jokes before and they are getting old. Here are quite a few fat jokes. Learn them and get used to them because the more you read and hear something then the less impact it has on you.

At the end of this post there are a few comments you can say back to people if you want. If you are fat, then people are going to make fun of you and laugh at you. It gives you three choices:
1 - you can live with it
2 - lose the weight
3 - let it upset you.

I suggest you try both options one.

Here Are Some Funny Fat Jokes For A Bit Of A Giggle

She’s so fat that when she lays in the bath, even the water in the toilet rises.

(Seems Legit)

Here’s an exercise to help you lose weight. Shake your head from one side to the other from left to right in a gentle motion. Now, do that every time someone offers you food.

What do fat people get on Valentines day?......Depressed.

I know you beat anorexia, but now you are just showing off

What do you call a chronic eater?  Anita

Walk on the grass, I don’t want you leaving footprints on the concrete

I said to the fat shopkeeper, “Give me a Kit Kat chunky” and he hit me

He’s so fat that when he falls down the stairs it sounds like the end of Eastenders.

A fat woman waited in the queue, she got to the front and the teller said, “Sorry for the wait.” And the guy behind the fat woman pointed at the fat woman and said, “Yeah, she should be.”

I would waste your time and make a fat joke, but I know you have a lot on your plate

She’s so fat she dresses in a miniskirt so she can be a man eater.

I knew she would have a good time with me when she saw the size of my…..fridge

I’ve just had a baby, it was delicious.

This Guy Has Fat Burning All Wrong

The last time I stole a fat kid’s dinner money....I bought a car.

He’s so fat he’s even a heavy sleeper

How do I get my wife to jog besides the car so she loses weight? Trap her scarf in your car door.

Over 20% of women are overweight. Those are some shocking figures.

We got into bed, cut her out of her shirt, and climbed on top and my ears popped.

I slept with a bunch of fat women last week. I was on a roll. Actually, I was on a few of them.

She complains that the good guys are taken, that men are jerks, that hot guys are gay, when will she just admit that she’s fat?

His blood type is lard.

He walked over to the fat woman on the dance floor and said, “Hey, so you fancy going somewhere quieter……on your own?”

You are so fat that your favorite instrument is the dinner bell.

I’ve been picking up fat chicks for years, I own my own crane.

Mr Chef Bungle CockSparrow told me to try his new cookies. “I’m open to criticism,” he said. I replied, “They are pretty good you fat twat.”

What’s the difference between a lesbian in a porn movie and one in real life? About 10 stone.

They took a zero tolerance on bullying at my school and obesity in the school has gone up 200%. You do the math!

I asked my boyfriend to dress up for me. Apparently he didn’t like my suggestion that he dress up as a thinner bloke.

Her online advert said she was curvy, bubbly, voluptuous and cuddly. Turned out she was just fat.

What do you say to a fat guy?……. No.

When your underpants are around your ankles, is your ass still in them?

Somewhere A Fat Kid Has Had A Bad Day

We broke up for different reasons. I wanted a career, I wanted kids and I wanted to travel the world. He wanted to be fat.

Why shouldn’t you shag a fat bloke? What, you need a second reason?

Inside every fat woman is a thin one trying to get out…..those fat buggers will eat anything.

What do fat old people do in the summer?…………Smell.

I learned, after being arrested, and to my distress, that fat fighters is not a fight club.

Why is it that fat people want a cure for obesity, but they want it after dinner?

Dawn French really surprised me. I usually laugh at fat people.

Some say you shouldn’t have sex with fat women, but they cook a smashing breakfast in the morning.

Ben and Jerry’s is the only threesome she has ever had

I’m not saying she’s fat, I’m just saying she’s the reason they invented landscape photo sizes.

Some fat kids grow up to be really strong, so keep your chins up

My fat boyfriend keeps walking into things……McDonalds

If you see a guy getting her drinks, it is probably the barman.

A fat man contracted a flesh eating virus. Doctors only gave him 22 years to live.

Replies For If Someone Picks On You For Being Fat

Bully - You Are Fat
You - Tell me about it….the last time I looked in the mirror I saw you.

Bully - I need a forklift to move your fat ass.
You - Whatever! You are Fatter. Obesity is the only thing that runs in your family.

Bully - You’re so fat and lazy you won’t even run a bath
You - I’m fat and you’re ugly, but one day I will be thin and you will always be ugly

Bully - Didn’t you forget to go to the gym for the last ten years
You - Didn’t you forget to brush your teeth all your life!

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